You know that feeling of heaviness, the one that makes every movement seem laborious, as if you're under water? The one that makes you feel both uncomfortable and complacent at the same time. Like you want to eat, but you aren't even hungry. Or you're hungry, but you don't want to eat. Or you want to hang out with friends, but you can't think of what good that would do. Or you're tired and want to sleep, but you know you're just going to lie awake for an hour or so before finally finding rest. What is this??
I started packing today. Actually, that's not completely true. As I've been unpacking Dad's stuff over the past few weeks (he's moving into the house I've been living in for four years) I've been switching my stuff with his, putting my stuff into the boxes his stuff came out of. Today was different because it was the first day that I'm packing knowing where my next place is going to be.
I can't describe this feeling, but I feel the need to. Maybe it's because I'm realizing I'll actually be moving. There have been two or three times in the past year that I seriously thought I'd be moving out (to a specific place) within a month or two, and they didn't work out. So now that I'm really moving--the waiting is actually over--I don't know how to be.
It's okay if I don't know how to be. Ha... it's very uncomfortable, but okay. It's not like I won't receive blessing or get into heaven if I don't know how to be. I want more stories. They are therapeutic. So I'll end with this one:
Once upon a time, there was a girl. She grew and grew, and she kept growing so much that she's still growing to this day. The End.
No comments:
Post a Comment